untitled*

It’s this time of the day that my mind will eventually drift off to things. things that i don’t want to ponder, but always ending up dwelling on them too much. i honestly hate myself for being a pessimist, but i can’t stop my brain. i don’t have the power to control it. it’s like, yes, it’s inside of me, my head. it’s my own brain. and it’s impossible for me to not control it, but it’s like my brain has its own brain, too. weird, i know, but it’s simple and as complicated as that.
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TWO, ZERO, ONE, FIVE.

To be very honest, 2015 ended in a blink of an eye. so many things had changed for me, myself, and i. okay no. i’d probably look back at the things that happened while frowning, laughing, crying, surprised, and many more feelings that the past year has made me feel. 2015 is a very special year, though. many of my firsts happened and my mind can’t even register most of it, until now. i’ve realised so many things. i realized that i’m capable of doing things that i haven’t thought that i can. i discovered things that i haven’t been seen before. and it all honestly makes me feel foreign, but i love it. that you got to experience new things. that something is urging you to do more.

hopefully, 2016 will be awesome. i can feel it, though. new moments in life to cherish and to bury on the deepest parts of my memory.

farewell, 2015.
hello, 2016!

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Just……

please tell me if you don’t want me in your life anymore, okay? tell me if i’m making you sick and tired of my shitty attitude. tell me if you’re done with me… because honestly, i can’t handle you seeing tolerating just some kind of immature kid that i am…. you mean so much to me and i’m ready to let you go in case you’re ready to leave… because i want you to be happy… and if leaving’s what makes you happy then i’m willing to set you free…

Back(?) • 111715

Hello, everyone! It’s been a while since I last wrote something. Uh… Two months? I’ve been gone for two months. Yeah. Many things had happened on those two months. As much as I wanted to share them here, I already forgot most of it. 😂

But I’m somewhat thankful of my forgetfulness, y’know? Because I can easily eradicate things that i want to erase. But truthfully, there are always times whenever I remember something painful, and all I can do is try to not think of them again. I don’t want to dwell on things that don’t matter anymore. Like they say, “Past is past.” MOVE ON!

I think… That’s all I can put here, as of now. I’ll try to write things more often now since I’m not that busy anymore.

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3.

I’m not the type to easily forget something you said days ago, or months, maybe in years too. though i usually say that i’m forgetful as hell, which is kinda true, my brain won’t easily forget those words that needs to be remembered.  funny or not, i’m capable of remembering everything you said, but not as detailed like how you said it by that time.

i can remember you rambling about your problems, or how you loathe about your life. i can remember how you describe someone, filled with such appropriate words of praise.

whether if you’re my friend or just someone i met, please do know that i’m here for you. i’m not really great with words, i actually find myself in a situation that i’m speechless and my mind just can’t produce the right words. but i’ll be here for you and i’ll be the shoulder you can lean on. and i’m not expecting anything back because i guess that this is my purpose, the reason as to why i’m living; is to be people’s rock.

2.

My dad just told me that i have a high risk of having liver problems and tuberculosis due to staying up late. but i’m doing that for two years already, and i’m not sure how to stop. i guess i really do have a death wish.

i don’t even know if i’m an insomniac or it’s just simply because of my brain who doesn’t know how to shut. blame those stupid thoughts who’s keeping me awake. i’m just quite thankful that i haven’t really gone overboard and still has the ability to refrain from doing things that my emotions are pushing me to do, but at the same time can fucking kill me right then and there.

i just wish that i can help myself stop. not only for the sake of my health, but because of my family.

1.

So, hello wordpress world! It’s my first time here and I’m willing to share my life and daily experiences through blogging/writing them (though I already have tumblr but hey, this is like the more personal one!) — I hope I can make anyone interested on reading them. Peace out lovelies ♡